woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
