No stitches, just platelets and will power
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
