Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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