Those balls look pretty dangerous.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
