Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
