apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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