beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
