Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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