So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
