Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
