so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
