We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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