he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
