I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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