ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
