I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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