i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
