Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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