Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
