dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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