it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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