i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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