Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
