do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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