brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
