I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize