i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
