I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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