You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
