Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
