I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
