i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
