Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
