how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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