Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
