just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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