Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
