Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
