So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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