And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
