i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
