Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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