This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
