So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
