I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
