where am i from again
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
