I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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