I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
