I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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