The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
