Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
