his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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