hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
